those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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