dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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