PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
