Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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