Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
