she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The uberlube is also flammable
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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