SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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