Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
