Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
