There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
