i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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