so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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