Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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