News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
