Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
