I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The air taste purple.
Randomize
