doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
