Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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