I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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