I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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