seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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