She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
