Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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