Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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