I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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