did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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