you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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