Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
