Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
