I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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