I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this will be a night to untag.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
