I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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