Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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