i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
