apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
