i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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