its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
