Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
