A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
