Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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