Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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