everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
