Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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