I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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