george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
