Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
