Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
not ubering you a puppy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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