Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize