fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need a beard to bite.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
