:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
