If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
