This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
