AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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