He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
