All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
