My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
