How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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