I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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