After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You don't make any sense
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