You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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