Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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