The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
