I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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