It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
