Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
