You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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