the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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