Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
