So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
