Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
