A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
