I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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